HalloweeN Series: Ranking The Films Against Each Other (PART 1)
I am going to give my opinion on 9 HalloweeN films, and I’m probably going to piss a lot of people off. For starters I am going to keep Halloween III: Season of the Witch out of this review.
Worst in the series belongs to…
Halloween: Resurrection– Why? Well I am ranking this film as the lowest of the bunch for many reasons. One being…WE DIDN’T NEED IT. I for one was perfectly fine with Michael Myers finally dying in Halloween: H20, it gave closure to the series in a great way. Still, because H20 was such a cash cow, it wasn’t surprising that they tried pulling something out of their ass. And boy did they, this movie is pure sh*t.
For starters, they just tried to use everything good from H20 and recycle it. Did we really need to see Michael Myers descend from the ceiling again? No. From the beginning this movie tries to be smart. Sure, switching the bodies was a logical explanation, but it didn’t add up to me. If it wasn’t really Michael at the end of H20, why didn’t he just sit up and pull the mask off? Why did he go for Laurie? Why and how did he just roll over and sit up after being thrown through a windshield and then hold on as she hit him? Any normal human being would have given up after being thrown through glass and landing on concrete. So please, explain to me how it wasn’t really Michael.
So after this, they kill off Laurie Strode. I understand why they did it, but did it have to be done in such a dumb way? Do you really think our beloved Laurie was going to check who she was killing? What normal man bursts through your door and tries to stab you, chases you up to the roof and isn’t trying to kill you? And how would Michael Myers know to start acting the way he did in H20’s ending? Besides, Laurie is already in an institution, what are they going to do if it wasn’t Michael? Put her back in her room? I don’t understand what the writers were thinking when they made this film.
We are then given the storyline for the movie, and surprising enough, it doesn’t follow John Tate. The past 7 movies have been about Michael Myers killing family, but hey let’s not follow that anymore. What, did he just give up? So we are then introduced to our cast who may be the most annoying characters, ever. I don’t think Jason Voorhees had people this annoying during his rampage in the 1980s
Worst of them all was Freddy. Why the f*ck did they put Busta Rhymes in this movie? Why the f*ck did he use “kung-fu” against Michael? How many times have we seen Michael Myers block someone’s attempt to punch him? This is any different – why? The entire performance was nothing short of infuriating. Busta was so annoying, I wanted to stab his ass. Past this, I didn’t like the casting, or the characters like I stated earlier. It felt like they just wanted familiar faces to go with their sh*t movie. In the end, they tried taking the series into the 21st century with all the modern technology and it made the film less effective to me.
The way Michael Myers was portrayed bothered me. He walked around with the knife up. Very robotic, and not in the good way that he did in Halloween II.I also hated that they painted his eyes black. And the fact that Freddy tapped on his forehead and he just sat there. This Michael Myers was ridiculous to me. Bottom line, this movie shouldn’t have happened.
Favorite Character – Sadly, Sara. Nothing new with this girl, she may even be the weakest heroine in the franchise.
Favorite Death– None. They all seemed stale, been there done that.
Rob Zombie’s Halloween II– The only reason this film is above Halloween: Resurrection is because of the first 15 minutes. The hospital scene is enough for me, considering I usually turn it off afterwards. Plus, Michael Myers looks amazing, walking around all bloody through the rain, holding an axe. Since HalloweeN is my favorite series, I have sat through each film more times than I can count.
However, I honestly can’t sit through this movie. It just goes from bad to worse. I was very excited for this film, after Rob Zombie made H1 I had faith. Then I watched the trailer for H2, which started to change my mind. But being the fan I was, I had to see this movie. The opening took place and that was the moment I knew. I hated that Rob Zombie brought up a back story, one that involved his wife. Get over putting her in every movie already.
I honestly think he made this film just to put his wife Sheri Moon Zombie in it again. Plus, her horrible costume looked as if it came off the clearance rack at Party-City. So the gun goes off, the screams happen. Bam. Laurie is walking through an empty town, bloody from head to toe, limping away from the murder she thinks she committed. I was hooked, the movie looked great and I started to doubt myself again. Maybe this was going to be great. Suddenly she is in a hospital, and to be honest, she was tore the f*ck up. Her body was basically mangled. Then we skip to the two possibly mentally challenged guys in the van. Need I say more?
I mean we sat through one of them saying “fuck” for like 2 minutes straight. Michael Myers beats his way out, saws the guy’s head off. That was great, until he turns around. There is his mother, with her ugly horse, in her terrible costume. So my thoughts are back to “sh*t, this is going just like I thought.” But the next few scenes start to change my mind again.
As you can see, I was really hoping for the best out of this movie. So Michael Myers chases after Laurie, it gets pretty intense and gory. Then, the best part of this movie is a dream? Really? From this point on, it was a boring, dragging movie for me. I felt Rob took all the aspects from Halloweens 4 to 6 and put them in this movie.
Laurie is now connected with Michael Myers, for example she tastes as he eats a dog. Then the rest of the violence in the movie was random. Michael killed random people, just because. In an interview, Rob Zombie expressed that random acts of violence are the scariest. This may be true, but it doesn’t apply to this movie. Michael is on a mission, he is The Strangers.
Also I hated that Michael Myers was maskless for a lot in the movie. Dr. Loomis was a douche, and the entire movie fell into Rob’s trademark white trash theme, something I felt his first one managed to keep in control. Laurie was annoying, just screaming, and upset. I understand she was damaged after the events of the first film, but does everything need to change about a person? I felt Rob Zombie made Laurie weak in this film.
So after Michael Myers‘ visions of his dead mother leading him around this town, we get to the finale. After being bored for an hour the movie ends with Laurie not really going through much. It’s apparent that she is as crazy as Michael is, and Dr. Loomis has one final moment to redeem himself. Then we finally get a few moments with the Halloween theme at the end of the movie. Another thing that lacked in this film. Honestly, this could have been a stand alone movie. If it wasn’t for the mask and actors, it was another Halloween III: Season of the Witch to me. Just this time with an actual killer.
Favorite Character – Annie, I love her sarcastic dialogue and she is actually the only one that I didn’t want to die
Favorite Death– The nurse at the beginning, it was brutal! She walks in, gash in her face, and Michael takes out a lot of frustration on this lady. Sucks to be her, awesome to watch.
Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers– I have recently watched this movie again, and while it is a weak entry, it isn’t terrible. For starters, this is the worst mask of all the Halloweens. I don’t know what they were thinking going with this look. Second, for unknown reasons, this movie was goreless. The most we ever got was some blood flung onto the hay.
I didn’t care to much for Jamie being mute, or that she and Michael Myers are “connected.” Still, watching Danielle Harris run around as Jamie is better than the last two movies I have gone over. I didn’t care for Dr. Loomis trying to talk to Michael and get him to understand or for him trying to trap Michael. I mean Loomis had over a decade to try and get Michael to understand something.
I don’t like that they made Michael Myers into someone who is killing his family to stop the voices, or that we see him cry, but he was still better than Resurrection’s Michael Myers. Many people found Tina annoying. Sure she had her moments. However, I thought she was the most emotionally involved character we’ve seen in the series. It was as if she really cared for this little girl Jamie. When she died sacrificing herself for Jamie, it was kind of sad. I’m sure most people cheered, but hey
The characters in this movie had a lot of annoying parts and dumb dialogue. But it was a cheap 80s movie so you can’t complain too much. I loved when Jamie got in the chute. I think it was a very cool idea. It was interesting to see her strength in this movie. After all she was just a child, most people wouldn’t have made it through. It was also kind of nice to see her actually get hurt. In Halloween 4, Michael Myers never actually did anything to her.
In this film, Michael Myers was trying to run Jamie her over with a car, stabbed her in her leg. It was interesting to see that they actually showed a kid hurt by someone. Most people try to stay away from children being hurt or killed in movies. The ending was a little eh, it didn’t give much of an explanation. Sure it’s wrapped up in the next movie, but come on. Honestly Jamie should have ran her ass the opposite way instead of going into the police station! So no, this movie isn’t the best, but it’s a stronger entry than Halloween: Resurrection.
Favorite Character– Jamie. While at the beginning of this movie, she is mute, she was a very strong lead towards the end.
Favorite Death- This movie doesn’t show much of the deaths, so there isn’t anything great to choose from. I’m going to go with Rachel, just because it was the most drastic. You kind of expected her to be the leading lady again.
Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers– This is actually one of my favorite Halloween films, while it is difficult to love. It has some good moments. For starters, I don’t really like the direction. I think we could have done without the epileptic cutaways. Besides that and the noises that echoed every now and then it had some good moments.
I did hate the rock version of the theme. The overall concept was a little crazy. This cult trying to make evil babies and what not. I do like that it shows you can’t control evil. It was a nice touch following some more of the Strode family, as well as Tommy Doyle. It had a nice little piece of the original in it. Tommy was great, I think Paul Rudd did a good job showing how messed up that little event in his life has made him.
The other characters were a little blah for me. We hated the dad, the mother was helpless, Kara was the loving mom, Danny seemed weak minded, the brother was typical, and the girlfriend was kind of annoying. Just cliché in my opinion. By far the worst part is that they replaced Danielle Harris. I honestly think she would have been worth the extra money. God knows she wasn’t asking for too much.
I think for the original series, Michael Myers was portrayed very well in this. I also love this mask, I think it is a more intimidating version of the original, especially seeing it in the dark, or in the flashing light. I loved the Smiths Grove scenes. I do wish they would have killed Dr. Loomis, however. I know his death wasn’t exactly planned but it would have been nice. Also, Michael Myers went easy on Dr. Loomis in Halloweens 4-6. Myers had many chances to kill Loomis, but never did.
Jamie’s death was great. It is the best death in the series to me. I love how Michael Myers reaches for her, kind of like, “Oh I’m sorry,” and then slams her down. It just shows how sadistic he really is. I also really like the head on a spike death, it’s just great. So this is actually one of my favorites to watch. It has its faults, but this is a 6th movie. If we don’t have faults something is wrong.
Favorite Character– Tommy, it was interesting to see how weird he became after his small run in with the boogeyman. Plus Paul Rudd was great in this film.
Favorite Death– Jamie, this scene was so epic to me as a child. It’s still my favorite death. This is, in my opinion the best death in the entire series.
Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers– Seeing as this is our first legit sequel to the original night in 1978, I think it was the best sequel we got. I liked the idea of starting with a new slate. Laurie Strode isn’t around. We’re introduced to some young characters. It kept it interesting.
The beginning is great, I love the weird security guard. I also like the dream Jamie has, while it doesn’t make a lot of sense, it was a cool sequence. I don’t know how Jamie knows what Michael Myers would look like. Also, when Rachel came to check on her on the couch, why was a ambulance parked in front of the house? It crashed in the river miles away.
I do feel they catered to the teenage audience here. The sub plots felt like a teenage soap opera. I also think this is the second worst Michael Myers mask in the series. It just wasn’t detailed enough for me. I do think that if they shaded a little more and focused a little more on some features that the mask had it would have been very close to the original.
This also had a good atmosphere with it. I really felt like it was Halloween, something that other sequels didn’t focus on too much. Some small things I didn’t like, one being the picture of Laurie. I think they should have used a different picture of Laurie. And how did Jamie get that picture? Laurie didn’t have old pictures from her baby years, she didn’t even know she was adopted until later on in her life.
This is also the movie were Dr. Loomis started to become annoying, and his facial make up looked like a giant mole on his cheek. I really liked Rachel as a character, I think she was a strong lead. I loved the roof scene and the ending. The truck scene was great, with Michael Myers on top trying to get to her. It became kind of iconic to me. It showed how much it takes to really stop Michael. This was the movie that made him a little more superhuman – putting his thumb through skulls, tearing peoples necks open, etc. While it was something new for Michael, this version of Michael wasn’t a big guy. In the original Halloween series, Michael Myers was a normal man who was barely 6 feet tall. It doesn’t bother me that much, I’m just pointing out it’s what started all of that. He was also forced to kill people a little more creatively. Myers only had a knife towards the end of the movie.
Favorite Character– Rachel, I feel she embodied Laurie Strode, and maybe even a little more brave and smart than she was.
Favorite Death– Brady, I feel the way they did the shot was good; nothing happens. We see nothing, yet the sounds and lighting make it look super painful.
Stay Tuned for Part 2 of this article and see how I rank the last four HalloweeN films!
The Face of Michael Myers: 1978-1981
Michael Myers Mask Damage in Rob Zombie’s HalloweeN II
Michael Myers Techniques: Knife in back Lift
Survival of Dr. Loomis: HalloweeN to The Return of Michael Myers